This post is inspired by a blog I occasionally follow (The Hobbs Family blog—Mama Kelly). To all the Mamas of boys out there: Grab a cold beverage, put your feet up, and enjoy!
A Few Rules for Moms with Sons
1. Teach him the words for how he feels.
Your son will scream out of frustration and hide out of embarrassment. He'll cry from fear and bite out of excitement. Let his body move by the emotion, but also explain to him what the emotion is and the appropriate response to that emotion for future reference. Point out other people who are feeling the same thing and compare how they are showing that emotion. Talk him through your emotions so that someday when he is grown, he will know the difference between angry and embarrassed; between disappointment and grief.
2. Be a cheerleader for his life.
There is no doubt that you are the loudest person on the sidelines at his soccer games. There is no doubt that he will tell you to "stop, mom" when you sing along to his favorite band's lyrics. There is no doubt that he will get red-faced when you show his prom date his pictures from boy scouts. There is no doubt that he is not telling his prom date about your blog where you've been bragging about his life from his first time on the potty to the perfect attendance award he won in fifth grade. He will tell you to stop. He will say he's embarrassed. But he will know that there is at least one person that is always rooting for him.
3. Teach him how to do laundry
…and load the dishwasher…and iron a shirt. He may not always choose to do it. He may not ever have to do it. Just know that someday his wife will thank you.
4. Read to him and read with him.
Offer your son the opportunity to learn new things, believe in pretend places, and imagine bigger possibilities through books. Let him see you reading...reading the paper, reading novels, reading magazine articles. Help him understand that writing words down is a way to be present forever.
5. Encourage him to dance.
It doesn't always have to be good. Just encourage your son that when he feels it, it's perfectly fine to go ahead and bust a move.
6. Be an example of a beautiful woman with brains, determination, and integrity.
You already are all of those things. If you ever fear that you are somehow incapable of doing anything - remember this: If you have done any of the following: a) grew life b) impossibly and inconceivably got it out of your body c) taken care of a newborn d) made a pain go away with a kiss e) taught someone to read f) taught a toddler to eat with a utensil g) cleaned up diarrhea without gagging h) loved a child enough to be willing to give your life for them, or i) found a way to be strong when that child is suffering...you are a superhero. Do not doubt yourself for one second. Seriously!
7. Teach him to have manners
…because there's something wonderful about boys/men who show respect and kindness!
8. Teach him how to turn to God
…because someday he will be afraid, or nervous, or heartbroken, or lost, or just need you, and you won't be able to be there. Give him something to turn to when it feels like he is alone, so that he knows that he will never be alone; never, never, never.
9. Teach him that there are times when you need to be gentle
…like with babies, and flowers, and animals, and other people's feelings.
10. Let him ruin his clothes!
Resolve to be cool about dirty and ruined clothes. You'll be fighting a losing battle if you get upset every time he ruins another piece of clothing. Don't waste your energy being angry about something inevitable. Boys tend to learn by destroying, jumping, spilling, falling, and making impossible messes. Dirty, ruined clothes are just par for the course. He’ll outgrown them soon anyway :)
11. Learn how to throw a football
…or how to dribble a basketball, or read music, or how to draw his favorite cartoon characters, or the names of different train engines, or how to catch bugs, or the lyrics to his favorite song. Be in his life, not as an observer but as an active participant.
12. Go outside with him
Turn off the television, unplug the video games, put your cell phone on the charger, and even put your camera away. Just go outside and follow him around. Watch his face, explore his world, and let him ask questions. It's like magic.
13. Let him lose
Losing stinks! Everybody isn't always a winner. Life can stink sometimes--no matter how hard (as moms) we try to make it not stink for our kids. This practice will do him good later when he loses again (and again, and again, and again.....) Instead make sure he understands that - sometimes you win - sometimes you lose. But that doesn't mean you ever give up.
14. Remind him that practice makes perfect.
This doesn't just apply to performance-based activities (like sports), but also applies to everything in life. You become a better writer by writing. You become a better listener by listening. You become a better speaker by speaking. Show your son this when he is just young enough to understand. Practice trick-or-treating at your own front door before the real thing. Practice how to tie a tie in the mirror. Practice how you order your own food from the fast food cashier. Practice, practice, practice.
15. Answer him when he asks, "Why?"
Answer him, or search for the answer together. Show him the places to look for the answers (like his grandparents, or his aunts/uncles, or his books, or valid internet searches). Pose the question to him, so he can begin thinking about answers himself. Someday, when he needs to ask questions he's too embarrassed to ask you - he'll know where to go to find the right answers.
16. Always carry band-aids and wipes on you.
Boys are rarely clean or unbruised. Both are essential!
17. Give him something to release his energy
…drums, a punching bag, wide open space, water, a dog! Give him something to go crazy with! You’ll be glad you did :)
18. Build him forts
Forts have the ability to make everyday normal stuff a little more fun. Throw the couch cushions, a couple blankets, and some clothespins together and you can transform your living room into a cave of wonders. For the rest of his life, he'll be grateful to know that everyday normal stuff has the potential to be magical.
19. Kiss him
Any mother of sons will tell you that little boys are so loving and sweet. They can be harsh and wild and destructive during most of the day, but there are these moments when they are so kind and sensitive and tender. So much so that it can cause you to look around at the inward, reserved grown men in life and think, 'What happens in between that made you lose that?' Let's try to stop the cycle by kissing them when they're loving and kissing them even more when they're wild. Kissing them when they're 2 months and kissing them when they're 16 years old. You're the mom - you can go ahead and kiss him no matter how big he gets - and make sure he knows it.
20. Be home base
You are home to him. When he learns to walk, he will wobble a few feet away from you and then come back, then wobble away a little farther and then come back. When he tries something new, he will look for your proud smile. When he learns to read, he will repeat the same book to you twenty times in a row, because you're the only one who will listen that many times. When he plays his sport, he will search for your face in the stands. When he is sick, he will call you. When he really messes up, he will call you. When he is grown and strong and tough and big and he feels like crying, he will come to you; because a man can cry in front of his mother without feeling self-conscious. Even when he grows up and has a new woman in his life and gets a new home, you are still his mother; home base, the ever constant, like the sun. Know that in your heart and everything else will fall into place.
