I'm going to let some of my favorite quotes from Pinterest.com help introduce today's blog posting. In no particular order...
"When you're down and out, remember that God gives his hardest battles to his toughest soldiers."
"Someday everything will make perfect sense. So, for now, laugh at the confusion, smile through the tears, and keep reminding yourself that everything happens for a reason."
"When a tiny human comes shooting out of your vagina, come talk to me."
"If people are trying to bring you down, it only means you are above them."
"Since narcissistic was too big of a word for you, how about a-hole? Do you understand a-hole?!"
"I don't hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I would drink it."
"I miss your absence."
"A mother is a person who seeing there are only four pieces of pie for five people promptly announces she never did care for pie."
"If you want to learn what someone fears losing, watch what they photograph."
"Some people just suck the NICE right out of you."
I could go on forever with the quotes, so will stop there for now. My quotes reveal a good mish-mosh of the last week or so of my life. It doesn't help that I am a progesterone crazy pregnant lady that can cry at the thought of anything. Seriously anything. This week I have felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. I've thrown myself a crying pity-party. My mind is going in a million directions. Let me see if I can sum up my thoughts (no judging allowed)...
I'm 6 months pregnant and uncomfortable. I'm worried about if the baby will be healthy. Will he be a tough baby like I thought C was? Has my placenta previa resolved itself? When I go back to the Dr. in two weeks, will I receive the news that he wants me on bedrest & project I'll need a C-section if my placenta is still low? Will I miss out on potentially my last baby's birth, because I'll be tied down to a surgical table? Can I give C all the love and attention I'd like to with a newborn here? Will I ever get this weight off? I'm desperate for sleep. I can't sleep. Not a bit. I've ever resorted to letting C crawl into bed with me in the middle of the night to avoid having to get up & take him back upstairs. I'm creating a monster, but for now, my body needs to just lay there. Heck, in a few months I'll be pulling all nighters nursing & changing diapers, so I can sleep train two now.
To explain my following thoughts, you may need to be informed that the rain-cloud-in-my-life that made a sperm donation 5 years ago has decided to fight me on custody issues yet again. That's right--as if life wasn't overwhelming with its upcoming changes of C starting VPK and expanding our family, I now have to prepare myself for a possible trip to court. *This explanation may explain quite a few of the quotes I listed above :).
So here are my thoughts on that (prepare yourself for a possibly confusing rant that may or may not make sense to you)...
Being a parent is being selfless in all definitions of the word. Schedules are rearranged around your child. Your preferences may be put on hold for the sake of what would make your child happy. We mold our lives around our children and their happiness. A true parent will find happiness in knowing their child is happy. Being told your child can't attend a family tradition 4th of the July fishing tournament is nothing but crap. Being told that your child can't attend his best buddy's birthday party is nothing but crap. Being told that the 'every other weekend' scenerio "doesn't fit into his schedule" and he'd prefer the "every other Thursday through Tuesday custody arrangement" which would disrupt C's elementary school week is absurd not to mention would uproot him from his current stable home. We live literally right next door to C's potential elementary school. The "rain cloud" thinks it works best for him to wake C early & drive him to school when he lives 45 minutes away. I'm trying to rationalize with the irrational. I swear I've earned my psychology degree based on field work with this individual. I attend a meeting in one month to see if I can agree to his request. If we do not agree (can I see hands of who thinks we'll agree?!?!), this matter will be sent through the court system. This is healthy stress for a pregnant woman right?! So needless to say, there have been lots of tears. Lots. As a stay-at-home Mom in about 3 months, I now have the extra financial stress of court costs, not to mention complete fear that C's life could drastically change for the worse. Oh the tears...
My husband is a good listener and supporter--Bless him--but he's busy healing from a surgery & can't help with much of anything since he's on crutches. I'm tired of carrying the load lately (again, not his fault). He asked me what would make me feel better and my response was... "I need a vacation alone. I also need the permission to send horrible individuals to a secluded island far, far away." That's not too much to ask, right?!
It is rare that I use my babybook type blog to pollute it with negative energy & comments, but I needed to vent. I will start a brand new post with sunshiney-positive energy paired with pictures of my favorite 4 year old very soon. **I'm currently at work & unable to upload pictures, so stay tuned for a happy post**
I will end this rambling post with positive words. I am grateful for all that I have. I have faith that things will all be okay.
Now off I go home to rest my swollen, elephant feet. :)
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