Photo therapy

It's truly amazing the emotions that you can feel when looking at a photo.

I don't have attachments to any objects that I can think of, but my photos.  They pull at my heart in so many ways.

Let's rewind just a bit.

The past few weeks I've been feeling anxious.  Feeling bitter.  Feeling fearful.  All those awesome emotions that overcome me as I prepare for yet another court hearing with Connor's dad.  Its comparable to preparing for the biggest, most important battle of your life.  You have documented every event needed, written down your thoughts, taken photographs, organized it all, and are forced to relive it all to keep it fresh in your head to present it to a judge.  It's so unfair on every level.  You're fearful of what lies will surface, how I'll prove myself, etc etc etc.  It's impossible to know exactly how it will play out, but you prepare for every single scenario in your head.  It keeps me up at night.  It has me sneaking into Connor's room to snuggle him a little more when he's sleeping.  The horrible feelings can just eat you alive, especially when you have to remain 'friendly' when you see the 'other party' on a weekly basis & all you can do is prepare in every possible way.  Its recommended that I print out a few photos to show my bond with my child before hearings, so I'm always sifting through my external hard drive looking for some.

That's where I found myself sifting through photos from 7-8 years ago.  The time in my life where it was the most beautiful, yet fell apart all around the same time.  My way of healing was more like amnesia--just not remembering that time in my life to help move on.  With that amnesia, I tucked away a lot of photos of my sweet first born all because they triggered painful memories or caught angles where you could see a wedding ring on my finger or wedding photo blown up on the wall.

That's where I had a brilliant idea.  I can't erase the past.  I don't want to feel like my precious first baby's photos were something painful to look back at.  I took the amazing power of Photoshop and used it for my own personal therapy.  As I try to fight off the lingering fears of court approaching, I found an outlet that helped me feel a bit better today.

I took some of my favorite photos of Connor and I from when he was a baby and edited out any glimpses of a wedding ring.  It helped me see the joy in the photo and I love looking at these memories again.

Take that, sucky memories.

Annnnnnd my favorite.

So I hired someone...

As much as I think it's crazy to pay someone to take our pictures when I could very well rig a tripod & remote to take my own family photos, I opted to do it!  Just once a year I'll try to get in some nice family photos instead of being behind the camera.  I waited a looooooooong 4 weeks to get them back, but am very happy with the outcome.

Lucky for Matt, I was able to go through and edit his thinning hair area on the top of his head after we got the photos back.  Shhhhh.... don't tell anyone. :)

I'll set the tone for the session first.

We arrive at new beach location just before sunset.  Walk right onto the beach from the parking area to find a gentleman reeling in a very large shark.  Yep.  That's right.  A massive shark.

We trek a good 3/4 mile down the beach to our photo spot, which felt like forever as Noah wanted to walk, Connor wanted to ask every 5 steps if we were almost there, and gave Matt time to sweat out his lovely shirt.

We arrive at the spot and over the course of 1 hour, we were in the water as well as sitting/lying on the sand.  I planned ahead with a change of clothes and towels, but it still feels pretty yuck to be sloshing around on the beach in your nice clothes you just purchased for pictures.  At one point, I held Noah and we walked out to about thigh deep water.  At sunset.  Just an hour after we saw Mr. Fisherman reel in his beast shark.  That was about as much of living-on-the-edge as I will ever do!

I'm happy to report we finished the session with all limbs intact.

So without further adieu, here are our family photos for 2016.

(Connor 7 years old and Noah just 3 weeks shy of turning 3)

We started out slow to get Noah passed the "I don't want to say hi to the lady with the camera--grumpy eyebrows--straight face--faze."

(Noah still easing out of the turd phase)

(Still trying to crack the beast...insert: fun mom face)

It took me lying awkwardly on the sand to get Noah to finally come out of his shell.

Once Noah was smiley, I'm pretty sure this was the time Connor decided to moan & groan about pictures taking too long.

Insert: Fun mom face with tickles

Once Noah grasped that it was, in fact, okay to get his clothes wet in the water, he went for it!

My goobs.

My children tickle in the most awkward kind of way.

This session was quite the messy, fun, yet exhausting adventure all at once.

How to get toddler to smile: just keep tickling.

My grown up, still whiney, soggy britches, sweet boy

Did I think this pose felt odd at the time? Yes.

Was I reassured that we looked cute? Yes.

Do I still think Connor looks crazy weird squatting behind me? Yes.

Is it the only smiling shot with just me & my boys from the session? Yes.

 I shall cherish it anyway.

Was Matt's shirt water splashed or sweated out?  You decide.

Was the wet, sandy mess worth it for these last final family shots? Definitely.

We got our pictures back just in time for our anniversary tomorrow.

I ended the night in the water with this crazy.

He learned the art of the Eskimo kiss.

Annnnnnd that's it!

Quite the adventure, but worth the memories!

Annnnd it was Noah's turn.

It wasn't easy.

It was actually a giant hot mess of convincing Noah to put on his costume (that he had to have).  He was in the costume for a whole 20 seconds before he decided it was the worst thing that has ever clothed his body.  It took a TON of patient mommy psychological words, attempts at bribery, and after a good half an hour, I prevailed with the proposal of hiding his toys in the backyard (he's all into hide & seeking everything right now).  

So before we hid the toys, I sneakily got him to smile.

Mommy success!

And in case you're unfamiliar with all things on the Disney Junior Channel, this is Gekko, from "PJ Masks."

He didn't do any crazy fun poses as a superhero going into the night to save the day, but I'll take it!!!

Here's to hoping he'll wear his costume on Halloween for more than 20 seconds!!

Halloween a little early...

This is the first year both the boys are dressing up non-coordinating.

I tried the best I could!

Want to be Charlie Brown & Snoopy?!

Want to be the Tin Man & Scarecrow?

Want to be a basketball player & referee?

Denied. Denied. Denied.

So I'm embracing it!  Since I'm a sucker for coordinating outfits for photo purposes, I opted to coordinate with Connor and Matt will coordinate with Noah (he's always thrilled with my ideas)!

Connor wants to be Harry Potter, so I will be Hermione.

Noah wants to be Gekko (from his beloved PJ Masks show), so Matt will be Catboy.

I thought it'd be fun to take the boys to do cool pictures in their costumes before Halloween (to honestly take the pressure off of me trying to get both boys smiling, looking, and non-whiney because we are wasting time taking pictures when they could be frolicking around with their friends door-to-door).  

Sooooo... tonight was Connor's night.  

Say hello to the cutest Harry Potter ever.

He was a smart-mouthed, whiney turd as we treked over to our photo spot I had scoped out months before.  We were all ready after hiking 10 minutes from the car around a lake to get to our spot when Connor mentions he left his Harry Potter glasses in the car.  Ohhhhh, I could have choked him at that very moment.  We ventured back to the car & back to our photo spot, dressed him in costume, and took position (with minutes to spare before the sun went down).  After I took the first few photos & showed him on the back of my camera, he lit up! 

"Can we print these mom?!"

"This tree over here will be a great spot to do another photo!"

"Can I see how it turned out?!"

"Don't you like this spot the best?!"

Attitude was a complete turn around.  He was totally into it & noted how fun it was.  It was a miracle sent from God at that very moment to help retain the tiny bits of sweaty sanity I had left in me.

We stopped for a Slurpee on the way home to cap off our night.

Let's hope my little styled session with Noah goes smoothly.  I'll be setting the bar low. :)

Noah's b'day part 2!

When Nana & Papa have a wonderful backyard made for a bounce house, we opt to have Noah's party there.

Minus the 1000 degree weather, it was perfect!

When your best friend sews... she makes your ABC loving boy personalized jammies.

Noah was all smiles!

Connor and Connor :)

The party animals!

And now he's three.  Noah will wake each morning and ask if he's having a bir-day party again today.  Haha.