Photo therapy

It's truly amazing the emotions that you can feel when looking at a photo.

I don't have attachments to any objects that I can think of, but my photos.  They pull at my heart in so many ways.

Let's rewind just a bit.

The past few weeks I've been feeling anxious.  Feeling bitter.  Feeling fearful.  All those awesome emotions that overcome me as I prepare for yet another court hearing with Connor's dad.  Its comparable to preparing for the biggest, most important battle of your life.  You have documented every event needed, written down your thoughts, taken photographs, organized it all, and are forced to relive it all to keep it fresh in your head to present it to a judge.  It's so unfair on every level.  You're fearful of what lies will surface, how I'll prove myself, etc etc etc.  It's impossible to know exactly how it will play out, but you prepare for every single scenario in your head.  It keeps me up at night.  It has me sneaking into Connor's room to snuggle him a little more when he's sleeping.  The horrible feelings can just eat you alive, especially when you have to remain 'friendly' when you see the 'other party' on a weekly basis & all you can do is prepare in every possible way.  Its recommended that I print out a few photos to show my bond with my child before hearings, so I'm always sifting through my external hard drive looking for some.

That's where I found myself sifting through photos from 7-8 years ago.  The time in my life where it was the most beautiful, yet fell apart all around the same time.  My way of healing was more like amnesia--just not remembering that time in my life to help move on.  With that amnesia, I tucked away a lot of photos of my sweet first born all because they triggered painful memories or caught angles where you could see a wedding ring on my finger or wedding photo blown up on the wall.

That's where I had a brilliant idea.  I can't erase the past.  I don't want to feel like my precious first baby's photos were something painful to look back at.  I took the amazing power of Photoshop and used it for my own personal therapy.  As I try to fight off the lingering fears of court approaching, I found an outlet that helped me feel a bit better today.

I took some of my favorite photos of Connor and I from when he was a baby and edited out any glimpses of a wedding ring.  It helped me see the joy in the photo and I love looking at these memories again.

Take that, sucky memories.

Annnnnnd my favorite.