It is the end to one of the longest days of my life. Today was a roller coaster of anxiety, strength, joy & pure relief. It all began about bedtime last night....when I knew Connor could not eat anything after 11pm (for surgery reasons). I pumped him with snacks before bed, got him to sleep by 8:45pm, and prayed he would have a great night sleep (since I usually just nurse him to get him back to sleep if he ever wakes in the night). My Mom is amazing (as you already must know if you know her or have read previous blog posts) and she stayed the night with me last night to help with anything she could. Connor woke about 10:45pm last night, so it was actually perfect timing to get one last feeding session in before his 11pm cut off time. Once I got him back to sleep, I tried to get some rest knowing that the next day I was going to be completely drained emotionally. Connor woke again around 3am, so 'Super Nana' went in to help him to sleep (since my presence (AKA the presence of my bosoms) would only frustrate him if I couldn't nurse him.
Shortly after he was back to sleep, my alarm was calling....Ughh....an alarm at 5:45amis not my idea of nice. So I was up, got ready, and then watched the clock, since I knew I was going to have to wake up Connor to put him in the car & get him to the hospital by 7am. Nothing is worse than pulling a sleeping baby (ok...toddler...) from his bed when he's sleeping so soundly. I got him up...check...I got his diaper changed...check...I got him loaded in the car...check...and we were on our way.
Once we made it to Same Day Surgery at the hospital, we signed in, and started working on paperwork. I'm a pro at paperwork, so got it done in no time. We got called back to the preoperative room, which was basically a row of beds divided by paper-thin curtains. Was somewhat humerous that we were expected to keep Connor in this confined space with no food/sleep for an hour and a half. I could have easily had a breakdown just from that.
Then...it was time.
It was time...and I didn't receive fair warning. We had spoken with a good 4 nurses that hour, so when one more came up, I didn't think much of it. She asked if Connor had any 'lovey items' that he might like to take into surgery with him. I opted between the screwdriver and his angel boy, but went with the angel boy. I handed over his angel boy (which I refuse to call a doll). Then, she says "Ok, its time for us to go" and reached out for Connor. I hesitated and then handed him to her (quickly breaking down inside). As I watched this nurse walk away with Connor, I had that awful pit-in-your-gut feeling come over me. I made my way out to the waiting room, tried to remain calm for the sake of other on-lookers around me, but then just let it out....all the tears that were held back to be strong in the presence of Connor came out.
The surgery was supposed to be no longer than an hour, so I kept close watch of the clock. Each minute after an hour made me slowly start to really worry. It was about two hours before the surgeon came out to give us the news. Connor did really well. He said the cyst was larger than he thought, but they got it out. He said there were no other connections running from the cyst (that he would have had to make another incision for and remove), so that was good news as well. He said Connor was in recovery and they would let me know when I could go back to see him. I held it together in front of the surgeon, but once we walked away, the tears of relief just poured.
Once the call came for family of Connor Stevens, I flew through the halls to get to the post operative room. I could hear him crying from down the hall, so I felt as if I was running to get to him. I turned to corner to find the nurse lifting him from his bed just after he had woken up. His face was red and he was crying/screaming. I swooped right in, nicely but quickly took him, and tried to console him. I was told his anesthesia was causing him to be groggy and disoriented, causing the fear and confusion (plus being with people he didn't know, in a place he didn't know, etc etc etc). I tried to hold him close and try not to tug/tangle his IV that was hooked up to his arm. His toe was also hooked up to a monitor for heart rate, so it was just so weird to see him with cords running from him (could certainly not have handled a baby in the NICU). I took him behind a 'private area' with the lovely paper-thin curtains again and try to nurse him to help comfort him. He wanted to nurse, then would stop and cry, then nurse, then squirm/kick/cry. I think he was mad about the IV on his hand, because it was keeping him from putting his hand up on my chest (like he has always done since he was tiny...as a comfort thing...kind of like helps him realize I'm there). He then, out of his own pain, began to bite me while nursing. He was crying, I was crying...it was a sad, organized mess. The nurse helped remove his IV, I continued to try to calm him (still screaming/pushing off of me), changed him into his jammies, got our instructions for home care as soon as we could, and fled the heck out of there! I knew once I got him some fresh air outside, he'd feel so much better. Sure enough...as we opened the door to the outside, the crying stopped.
Our ride home consisted of feeding him "Mum Mums" (which for people that don't know- they are basically baby styrofoam rice cakes and a MUST HAVE as a parent). We listened to his Baby Einstein Christmas CD and his favorite song, "Dradle Dradle Dradle"...(yes, it is the only song that makes him bust out grinning any time it comes on, so we get into the Christmas spirit in my car with the only Hanukkah song on the CD....WHATEVER MAKES HIM HAPPY!!).
He was pretty disoriented/wobbly when we got home. He just lounged, enjoyed some "Dora", and we read some books to just take it easy. He scarfed his lunch (more so than usual since he hadn't eaten anything significant since the night before) and we both got a wonderful, much needed 3 hour nap!
By bed time, my precious little boy was almost back to being 100%. We survived another hurdle and now we can focus on healing & more fun things like Christmas!! :)
Shortly after he was back to sleep, my alarm was calling....Ughh....an alarm at 5:45amis not my idea of nice. So I was up, got ready, and then watched the clock, since I knew I was going to have to wake up Connor to put him in the car & get him to the hospital by 7am. Nothing is worse than pulling a sleeping baby (ok...toddler...) from his bed when he's sleeping so soundly. I got him up...check...I got his diaper changed...check...I got him loaded in the car...check...and we were on our way.
Once we made it to Same Day Surgery at the hospital, we signed in, and started working on paperwork. I'm a pro at paperwork, so got it done in no time. We got called back to the preoperative room, which was basically a row of beds divided by paper-thin curtains. Was somewhat humerous that we were expected to keep Connor in this confined space with no food/sleep for an hour and a half. I could have easily had a breakdown just from that.
We received visits from numerous nurses, the anesthesiologist, and the surgeon. Connor was weighed, given a lovely, static-cling, purple hospital gown and pants to wear. It became difficult to hold Connor, as all he was going for was my chest for eating purposes. We were extremely blessed to have a tv nearby, so had them put on some cartoons to help distract. It was clear God was watching over us, because he put on "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" and "Special Agent Oso" just for us (two of three cartoons that have the ability to hold Connor's attention). I did a lot of 'Mom bobbing' with Connor in front of the tv to keep him happy while we waited.
Then...it was time.
It was time...and I didn't receive fair warning. We had spoken with a good 4 nurses that hour, so when one more came up, I didn't think much of it. She asked if Connor had any 'lovey items' that he might like to take into surgery with him. I opted between the screwdriver and his angel boy, but went with the angel boy. I handed over his angel boy (which I refuse to call a doll). Then, she says "Ok, its time for us to go" and reached out for Connor. I hesitated and then handed him to her (quickly breaking down inside). As I watched this nurse walk away with Connor, I had that awful pit-in-your-gut feeling come over me. I made my way out to the waiting room, tried to remain calm for the sake of other on-lookers around me, but then just let it out....all the tears that were held back to be strong in the presence of Connor came out.
The surgery was supposed to be no longer than an hour, so I kept close watch of the clock. Each minute after an hour made me slowly start to really worry. It was about two hours before the surgeon came out to give us the news. Connor did really well. He said the cyst was larger than he thought, but they got it out. He said there were no other connections running from the cyst (that he would have had to make another incision for and remove), so that was good news as well. He said Connor was in recovery and they would let me know when I could go back to see him. I held it together in front of the surgeon, but once we walked away, the tears of relief just poured.
Once the call came for family of Connor Stevens, I flew through the halls to get to the post operative room. I could hear him crying from down the hall, so I felt as if I was running to get to him. I turned to corner to find the nurse lifting him from his bed just after he had woken up. His face was red and he was crying/screaming. I swooped right in, nicely but quickly took him, and tried to console him. I was told his anesthesia was causing him to be groggy and disoriented, causing the fear and confusion (plus being with people he didn't know, in a place he didn't know, etc etc etc). I tried to hold him close and try not to tug/tangle his IV that was hooked up to his arm. His toe was also hooked up to a monitor for heart rate, so it was just so weird to see him with cords running from him (could certainly not have handled a baby in the NICU). I took him behind a 'private area' with the lovely paper-thin curtains again and try to nurse him to help comfort him. He wanted to nurse, then would stop and cry, then nurse, then squirm/kick/cry. I think he was mad about the IV on his hand, because it was keeping him from putting his hand up on my chest (like he has always done since he was tiny...as a comfort thing...kind of like helps him realize I'm there). He then, out of his own pain, began to bite me while nursing. He was crying, I was crying...it was a sad, organized mess. The nurse helped remove his IV, I continued to try to calm him (still screaming/pushing off of me), changed him into his jammies, got our instructions for home care as soon as we could, and fled the heck out of there! I knew once I got him some fresh air outside, he'd feel so much better. Sure enough...as we opened the door to the outside, the crying stopped.
Our ride home consisted of feeding him "Mum Mums" (which for people that don't know- they are basically baby styrofoam rice cakes and a MUST HAVE as a parent). We listened to his Baby Einstein Christmas CD and his favorite song, "Dradle Dradle Dradle"...(yes, it is the only song that makes him bust out grinning any time it comes on, so we get into the Christmas spirit in my car with the only Hanukkah song on the CD....WHATEVER MAKES HIM HAPPY!!).
He was pretty disoriented/wobbly when we got home. He just lounged, enjoyed some "Dora", and we read some books to just take it easy. He scarfed his lunch (more so than usual since he hadn't eaten anything significant since the night before) and we both got a wonderful, much needed 3 hour nap!
By bed time, my precious little boy was almost back to being 100%. We survived another hurdle and now we can focus on healing & more fun things like Christmas!! :)
4 comments:
So glad that everything went well!! Thinking about you guys!
You are sooo brave! I could never handle something like that! As for conner... WHAT A CHAMP! Im so happy that everything went well. I hope your christmas with him is AWESOME!!!! LOve you guys
What a relief!!! I know the EXACT feeling of the dreaded waiting room... No mom ever deserves to be in there!! Way to go Connor and Megan! You guys make a great team!:)
I'm so glad that you and Connor made it through his surgery. I hope you have a Merry Christmas!
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